I swear. It’s no secret to most of my family.
Growing up, I never heard swearing. It was unheard of. *hehe*
Ignore the pun for now. The point is that despite the commonality of swearing, there are certain times where you shouldn’t swear. Set a hard rule to never swear on these occasions: arguments.
Swearing during an argument is the worst time to swear. I should know. I’ve sworn at people during arguments. And it just fanned the flames. I’ve regretted it every time.
I was in my room and my sister wasn’t leaving. But I wanted to get changed to go to basketball practice. She refused to leave, even though I bugged her. “F*ck you!” I finally shouted. I slammed the door so I wouldn’t see the look on her face.
There’s humor in this too. When my dad asked what I said, I replied, ”F*ck you.” He was enraged for a moment and I was confused. I just answered his question, didn’t I? Then he realized my ignorance about what I had said. I didn’t know the meaning. I was just seeking out some way to vent my anger. And it was in the form of a swear word.
This is an example where I didn’t know the severity or the meaning of the word. I said it because I was angry. But it is a classic case of don’t say something you will regret. Because I cried for the next two hours when I played basketball. Everybody knew something was wrong, but I never told anyone because I had to deal with the repercussions on my own.
Don’t swear in an argument because it will hurt the other person. They may view the words more critically than you did. Curse words hit differently for different people.
Another example is when my brother and I got into a heated discussion because I was mad at him. There were little things that caused tension until the pressure blew up. It was like a pressure cooker that started boiling over.
Eventually I lost my cool before he did and said, ”F*ck standards.” Looking back, it was very inconsiderate of me. He told me multiple times that he wasn’t comfortable when my sister swore. And I overlooked that in a momentary lapse of judgement.
I excused my behavior. I rationalize that it was the only way to verbalize what I was feeling. I regretted it ten minutes later when I reflected on the argument.
Sometimes swear words are the best words to use. They have connotations that hit differently than substitutes. Other times you could have said something else that would have worked just as well. Why use ugly words that could hurt the other person?
Disclaimer: For the two previously mentioned arguments, I apologized. I was a sobbing mess when I apologized but I apologized.
There are two main lessons to uncover from these examples.
- An argument doesn’t involve one person. Remember there are other people, so remember they have their own emotions. And they probably see swear words differently.
- You’re opening a can of worms that you don’t want to open. Because swear words alone tend to increase tension. And later on it’s harder to apologize.
Both times I violated these rules. And I hurt the relationships I had with these people. I amended it with the power of apology, thankfully.
Have you ever sworn at someone during an argument? How did they take it? Some people will take it lightly. And others will be hurt deeply.